I am willing and have decided to share this with you because I don't want any of you to get any nearer to what my family is facing now.
I have shed countless tears from the day before my first paper, and i still can't contain my tears up till now. I even risked failing all my subjects for being not able to concentrate on studying. So now you know how much my family members mean to me.
I have way too much to face in my life.
This is more so for my second brother, the one who just 'completed' his fourth year medicine. He IS VERY SELF-CENTERED and cares only for himself AND HIMSELF ALONE. Believe it or not, he doesn't even care about us, us being his family members; not even Dad and Mum, who had unconditional love for him; and as i see it, his actions do not for benefit himself, nor his own future.
No matter how educated a person can be, his maturity still depends on his way of thinking and acting. Some people can even grow old, or become a professor, but with a very selfish mentality.
My friends around me in Melbourne who knows both me and my brother could detect his complete change of personality. The realisation of the whole problem began the day before my exam. As a sister, i was still trusting that my brother isn't that 'problematic' and that he still holds on to the RIGHTFUL principles, such as RESPECTING PARENTS, and OBEYING THE LAW. These two are already enough to mend his personality now, at least for the moment.
On last thursday we sat down together as a family and discussed things through with him, we wanted to know what was his problems:
(1) his reasons of taking anti-depressants (till now he still refuses to tell)
(2) him befriending drug users (be it those who have taken drugs, or tried drugs; to sum up, this refers to those who could influence him to take drugs- and by drugs i mean illegal drugs, such as MARIJUANA or other illegal ones) maybe i shouldn't use the word 'befriend', i should say 'him not considering them as people who have done wrong, who have chosen to take drugs for their own satisfaction, and who even would influence him to take drugs along with them'.
(3) him thinking that womanizing is right!! (in fact, i think he is already one- he just confirmed that with us last night.)
i shall keep the list short.
In our discussion we mentioned to him that it is unethical for a medical doctor to be involved in drugs, be it them selling to others or them consuming it themselves. These type of so called 'illegal drugs' are only legal if they were prescribed for dying patients, the reason being that it would let them feel happier and relieved of their pain for a short while, and perhaps die without much suffering.
And his reply to us is that he WOULD WANT TO TRY IT because HE IS CURIOUS. He wants to experiment. He knows the risks involved, but he thinks that that is TOO INSIGNIFICANT.
I shall try to ask: would you see a doctor with his kind of thinking?
Our only request for him is to avoid mixing with those so called drug-abusing friends, for the whole year next year (he would be in his last year of medicine in Monash next year) (please feel free to question Monash's credibility in educating their students- and more particularly, if any management personnel of Monash Uni sees this, can you please check and see if your precious medical students are drug-free! To be frank, the same applies for other institutions.)
He refused to even comply to our simple request.
He thinks that we are despising those drug-users and just because he won't despise them, he would not promise us he won't get away from them.
He told us frankly that he wants to try irregardless of the risk involved (losing job, losing his place as a medical doctor, losing income etc..) He thought that it would not happen on him. Because he would 'control how much he take', 'take only when he wants it', and god knows what else..........
You could have imagined that from all the words he answered us, how much he had hurt and scarred our hearts. Our question for him poses: Can he just disregard the love from your parents and all the care all along these 22 years? Can he not care of how dad and mum feel and just carry on with things that would hurt us?
Some neuron connection has certainly gone haywire in his head. His answer for those are: I don't care of how you would think, the main thing i am most concerned of is MYSELF. As long as i am happy, and i think that i am not doing anything wrong, that's it, I'll do it.
We did not force him into this situation. All our discussions with him were friendly and cool (as in not heated up)- at least dad stays really cool, i get agitated easily but all i can do is FIX MY STARE at HIM, deep inside i am literally bleeding, for his selfish, childish, short-sighted, and on top of it all, disrespectful and ignorance of our parent's love. All of you who have grew up with me, who have known me for quite sometime, or at least know how my parents are, would know that they have trained us (my two brothers and me) to be kind, selfless, considerate, and a whole list (if someone wants to add), and made sure we have very good 家教 (i can't think of the word to replace, the best phrase to use is 'family teaching')....
Since my eldest brother is not at home with us right now, there's just me, second bro, dad and mum at home. The three of us (except bro, obviously) are devastated. Dad still has his clinic and patients to worry about apart from my brother. We still have to get on with life. How will this issue end up as, can you tell me?
I usually ended up crying myself whenever i unwillingly recalled of the words he said coldly to us. 20 minutes ago, dad saw me crying. He told me: Why get so emotional? He could be heartless to us. Why are you sad of him? Its useless to be sad for people like him. Don't cry, or try to suppress. Slowly you'll learn the way to handle emotionally.
Anyhow we just have to stop him, it's our responsibility as family members. We shall not let him turn into a useless drug addict who would either occupy the prison cell and waste the country's resources to feed him; OR, let him be a drug-using doctor who could, at any time, put himself; or worst still, his patients, at life-threatening risks.
In all these 19 years of my life, I have not yet faced anything more serious than this.
I hope you would get something out of my experience, and realise the importance of FAMILY LOVE.